Rowen, Momma et Bax

Rowen looked particularly happy and was  adorably dressed one day last week.  So we had to take some pictures!

Excuse me, but why does she look like a toddler in that first photo?  

Let's pause with the growing up too fast for just a little bit, Baby!

Bax wanted in on the photoshoot

Rowen love her Baxter-Meow

Between a wiggly Rowen, squirmy Baxter-cat and blinking Momma (and blurry photo taking Daddy) it's pretty much impossible to get a perfect shot!

My Babies!

Hmm, pretty much perfect actually.  

I made a legwarmer for mah Baby!!!

I don't remember when exactly I learned to knit.  I'm definitely not very good at it and only have very, very basic skills.  Every single woman in my family seems to know how to knit,,, I vaguely learning at my Aunt's house in Ottawa when I was 6 or 7.  We used to go visit every summer and winter vacation and I remember my Aunt always having a full itinerary of activities to keep us all busy. I pretty much forgot about knitting until a few years ago when a friend re-taught me and "re-activated" my knitting skillllz.

Anyway, much like Rowen's ugly scarf, her legwarmers were a little DIY project I decided to try winging.  I didn't look for a pattern online since I don't really know how to read patterns anyway and how hard would knitting a tapered tube be anyway right?   :P

So after a couple of false starts and quite a few nights of staying up waaaay too late hours after Rowen went to sleep, I finally made ONE LEGWARMER!  And it actually fit the Baby and there were (well, almost) no mistakes!!!  What!

Now I just need to keep the ol' crappy attention span together and try to replicate this and knit her another one.  And then we shall have legwarmers!  Legwarmers turn out to be a surprisingly practical Baby accessory for chillier mornings lounging around at home.... because who wants to deal with pants unnecessarily, right?  Those precious seconds add up when you're trying to change a wiggly, rolling Rowen's diaper!  I also think they will be good for cold weather layering over her tights and leggings.  Unlike her scarf, there are actually lots of cute (perhaps slightly overpriced) baby legwarmers out there,,, but I wanted to challenge myself with this little project.

Yeah, there are mistakes and it may look a little bit amateur hour, but I'm kind of pleased with myself for actually sticking to it and making something for my Baby! I feel proud to have made something for  her!

My goal is another legwarmer in just one week! Which in theory is plenty of time, but you try knitting while taking care of an 8 month old.   So let's see if I can do it!  Wish me luck!  :D

Mi mi mi mi mi mi....

Being Momma means not being embarrassed at all to be caught making ridiculously silly faces and goofy sounds....because Baby's mad giggles makes it all okay!  More than okay, really!

MISSING: Bandit the Raccoon

This afternoon, Rowen and I went for a walk.  A lovely autumn afternoon walk to the store to pick up some supplies (mouth wash for Lowell, spray shampoo for me, chocolate, etc etc).  We don't normally bring Bandit the Raccoon out of the apartment, but he came to the park earlier that day and she's been really into him lately.  So Bandit the Raccoon came along!

We were returning home, just about a block away when I looked into the stroller and noticed that Bandit was no longer with us.  I looked around,  hoping hoping HOPING that he'd be right there on the sidewalk.  That he had JUST fallen out.  But nope.  No Bandit.  I shook out her blanket to make sure he wasn't just hiding.  Noooope.  I took everything out of the stroller basket, hoping that maybe I put him in there without realizing at some point.  Nope.  So I turned around and retraced our steps all the way back to the store, scanning the sidewalks, hoping to see Bandit.  But nope.  We went back to the store and I asked the cashier if anyone had found a stuffed toy.  Nope.  We circled the store a few times... I kept hoping that Bandit would be there in the shampoo aisle.  But nope.  We walked home calling out for Bandit like a lost pet...  no Bandit.  I suppose he has a new home with a CAMH-er now.  :P

I don't know about you, but the feeling of losing something drives me crazy.  I've woken up in the middle of the night to scour my apartment for a missing lipgloss.  I hate losing stuff.  But losing Bandit has caused a whole new level of anxiety.  I felt absolutely anxious and just awful.  Rowen has yet to notice that her friend is missing and probably won't actually ever notice...but I still feel just awful.  This was one of her buddies and one of the first toys she's had with her since birth.  He was a lovely gift from Angela and I hate that he's missing.  I suppose we're lucky that he can be replaced, but man, something about losing your Baby's friend... it's a whole new awful low feeling.  I've been irrationally upset about the loss of Bandit all evening.  I know that I'm being irrational, but I can't snap out of it.

The lesson I've learned from this: Chip the Cat is never leaving the apartment.  He's Rowen's "comfort" toy and lives in the crib. (Yeah yeah yeah... no soft toys in the crib etc etc).  Chip the Cat however cannot be replaced as he was purchased about 15 years ago.  

Mama Friends... have you ever been in a similar situation?  Have you ever lost your Baby's favourite thing?  How do you get over this feeling of guilt?

A Very Sappy Lovenote

Dear Rowen Baby,

WHY ARE YOU SOOOO STINKIN' CUTE?  

And while we're at it, why are you soooo stinkin' well behaved and always, always smiling?

Smiling when Momma forces you to take photos while the bathtub is filling. Standing and striking poses like a little teeny person!

Sometimes, I wish you could stay this squishy and little forever...but then I remember how exciting it will be to have real chats and walk around and learn new things with you!  

We'll have so much fun and I can't wait!

Love (and thoroughly infatuated, really),

Momma

...

.....

...

Out takes!! 

Oh man I love this Baby.

Random Momma things

Random weird things about me as a Momma:

I've never shared this stuff with anyone!

• I trim Rowen's nail almost every other day.  I kinda love it.  I'm obsessed with trying to keep them filed and neat.  I find it so rewarding that at almost 7 months, she's finally able to deal with having her nails done when she is awake!  I've taught her to accept having (most of) her nails done in one sitting, just like I did my kittehs!  Yeah!

• I'm afraid of her soft spot.  I love my Baby more than anything in the World.  Her cuteness blows my mind and I'm pretty sure she is the best baby in the Universe... but MAN OH MAN the soft spot still grosses me out.  Baby's soft spots have ALWAYS grossed me out over the years, ever since I was shown what they are when my baby cousins were born.  I thought with my Baby it would change, but nope.  Nope!  The soft spot?  Freaks me out!  I just can't look at it.

• I have forgotten to give Rowen her Baby D (vitamin D) drops on some days.  I feel bad about this...

• I've held the Baby when I've had to pee.  Don't judge me.  99% of the time, if I have to go when she is awake, I'll bring her chair or carseat or stroller and park it outside of the bathroom.  This is fine if she's happy.  But if she's feeling fussy of clingy?  Then I have to fiddle around and try to strap a wiggling Baby in, find her a toy to amuse herself with and then by that time, I've peed my pants.  So yes,  I just hold her "koala style" onto me and hang onto her with my left arm which leaves my right arm free.  Yeah.

• I stopped wearing my rings after Rowen was born, because I was all paranoid about scratching or hurting her with them.  I wore them up until the day she was born, luckily I didn't have to deal with swollen fingers or anything like that while pregnant.  Then someone pointed out to me the other day that married ladies don't take off their engagement rings and wedding bands.  But now I've gotten to not having them on.  Oh well.

Nerd alert!  Matching shoes!  I used to let me Mom buy us matching stuff too until it wasn't "cool" anymore.  So I gotta start early right?

The Falls

I found this photo on the computer and I wanted to share it.  My Momma, her Momma and Baby Z... circa Spring of 1984?  I would have been around the same age Rowen is now.  This made me really excited to take her to Niagara Falls one day soon.  Most of you who know me know about my strange love affair with Niagara Falls!  (I certainly hope that she doesn't go through a weird casino-going Roulette playing phase like I did!)  As much as time is flying by WAAAAY TOO FAST, I  love being reminded of all the exciting things we get to do with her.

Beaches International Jazz Festival

Last week was the Beaches International Jazz Festival.  It was Rowen's first time going to one of her Daddy's big gigs.  We hung out backstage but she didn't get to actually see much of the music because we don't have her Baby Banz baby ear protection yet.  

I would say that the day started off great, with a super happy well-rested Rowen Baby who was posing for photos, giggling at the security guards and smiling at Uncle Paul of The Heavyweights ....and then as the afternoon went on, things went downhill quite quickly.  At around the second last song, we had a complete meltdown and I wound up having to feed her in the car and since she was too worked up to nap well, she kinda wailed and fussed during the entire ride home. Ah well, we will learn to master these longer Baby Adventures!  

I also recorded a video but it uploaded to YouTube with a weird WAKAWAKAWAKAWAKA over top of the music for a good 30 seconds, so I will have to re-upload it before I share it with you guys.

Here are some photos from our day at the jazz fest:

I turned the camera around in this shot and this was her reaction to seeing herself on the screen of the phone.  Oh Baby Girl, you so funnnny.

WHOA finally something kinda cool in the crazy City Place condos that are popping up like freakin' WEEDS in our city skyline...  The two towers towards the top left/middle of the pic are linked together by some crazy condo bridge thing, what!

Okay, this condo is obscenely close to the highway.  

No exaggeration you could actually lean over and touch the building.  Why is this necessary?

Rowen was really sad in the car.  

She could not be consoled... not with singing, her scrunchy owl and definitely not a pacifier.  This bag of Doritos from the food tent backstage was a last resort.  It made her happy!  It probably makes us look like really, reeeeeally bad parents though. But don't worry, she's not strong enough to pop the bag open! 

Momma free time vs sleep time

Sometimes when I'm awake at a stupid hour of the night and I'll see someone post a new blog entry, tweet or status update, and I get excited.  I'm all "ooooh so-and-so is awake too!!"

9 times out of 10 though, that person is in another time zone and not, in fact, also awake at a ridiculous time of night.  I know that I should sleep.  But it's a strange thing...  Those who know me know that I've never been good at going to sleep when I "should".  I know I "should" rest because well, I need to.   But these hours after Baby goes to bed are they only ones that are my own.   It's just nice going on the computer, watching some TV show on DVD (currently? 30 Rock!)  and eating pie (chocolate keylime), texting friends without juggling a baby.  

Without having to be "on" and in "alert baby caregiving" mode.  I wish there were more hours in the day sometimes.  More hours to cuddle this adorable Baby AND putter around wasting time!  

______________________

This is what I get to wake up to EVERY MORNING OMG!

4 months old

Today, Rowen is 4 months old!  FOUR MONTHS!  I will be a broken record and say once again that I can't believe how quickly time is flying by...  and how big she's getting!!

Today I hit a wall at around 5pm like I often do now that Ms Baby has taken to getting up at dawn....  I had to lay down in bed for "just a few minutes" and set Rowen up  next to me with Chip the Cat and barricaded her in with pillows.  I woke up 20 minutes into my half-sleeping to her little hand stroking my lips and teeth, little fingers trying to wedge themselves into my mouth.  Oh little one....

I still can't believe how blessed and lucky we are to have the best behaved baby in the World.  Yes, of course we're slightly biased... And of course she does have her fussy moments but I swear, we won some sort of lottery.  From the moment she was born until now, she is just the most chillaxed little Baby.

Earlier this week, at her check-up and vaccines, she didn't even panic or freak out after she was jabbed with two needles at the same time!  I don't think that I could even handle two needles at once!  Mommy may be good at wielding needles around animals, but being around needles outside a veterinary context makes me stressed and queasy.  I felt awful all morning leading up to her appointment...and the day before.  I felt so awful that our adorable, sweet Baby who trusts us was going to get stabbed with needles and it would be our fault she was hurting.

Last time she had needles, Lowell held her while she was jabbed...  this time around, we couldn't find parking so I went up alone.  I kept hoping that Lowell would get upstairs in time so that I wouldn't have to hold her.  At the very last second, as they were swabbing her chubby thighs with alcohol, Lowell made it.  I felt like wussing out and making him switch spots with me, but I was brave and stayed put. Rowen was so excited to see her Daddy and was momentarily distracted.   I held onto her little hands and braced myself while she got stabbed. But she only cried for about two seconds after the needles and then kinda looked around as if to say "wait... that wasn't so bad.  Yeah, I'm okay now" and abruptly stopped crying.  She was smiley and happy the rest of the day!  How?  How is she so good?  AND HOW IS SHE SO STINKIN' CUTE???

I feel so lucky to be your Momma, Rowen Baby.  You are amazing and I'm still in awe of what a great little person you are!  I can't wait to keep learning and growing with you for years and years... and squishing your little face with kisses and cuddling in bed with you in the morning.

our first Momma's Day

I woke up to this and a sack of Lush stuff waiting for me on the coffee table this morning:

Lowell wanted to take me out to Breakfast/Brunch... Perhaps Dim Sum or Easy? Anywhere! It was my choice. I chose McDonald's, bahaha. I abused my powers. I figured we can go for dim sum or regular breakfasts anytime and since Lowell dislikes McDonald's and we never go there. The last time I convinced him to eat Dirty McDonald's breakfast with me was when I was pregnant and we were braving the mall on Boxing Day. Bahahaha... I pretty much constantly crave Sausage Egg McMuffins but rarely do I succumb. Only on special occasions apparently.

We were there during breakfast-to-lunch switchover and I contemplated getting some McNuggets too.
Next, since Rowen was snoozing happily in her stroller, we headed to Clafouti. The next stop on my food trek. We got there and plain croissants and pain au chocolat AND cinnamon brown sugar croissants were sold out. All my favourites! Actually, they were just sold out of everything.
So we headed to Dlish for Cupcakes. I chose to get a Red Velvet and a Dark Chocolate. They didn't survive the trip home though.... wah.

They were smushed but still very delicious!
We also hung out in the park for a bit.

Rowen seemed the most interested in checking out the grass and cement on the ground than anything else. She makes the best faces when the breeze gets her and her little Ro-hawk wafts in the wind. I can't wait to take her to the park this summer!
When we got home, I took a long shower will Lowell hung out with Rowen Baby. Lowell and Rowen had gotten me a bunch of my favourite stuff from Lush and I decided to break out a chunk of my most favourite Lush soap that got discontinued. Bathing in I Should CoCo and using Big and American Dream in my hair made the bathroom smell like my early 20's. Serious smell-flashbacks!
It was a lovely Sunday afternoon and first Mother's Day.

I love Rowen Baby so much and want to cuddle her and squidge her face every day for the rest of her life!
Oh! And just before this, I was scrolling around my posts page and realized that I never published our Easter entry! So HERE it is! Cute photos of Rowen as the Esster bun-bun, right this way!

Mama Day!

My first Mother's Day! (But hey, not to discount all my past "Cat Momma's Days, they were all great too!) Last year, we didn't even know about the Rowen Baby yet... my how things change in a year. Some days, I'm still in awe that I'm a Mother to this adorable little human. How cool is that?? I can't imagine my life without Rowen, she is just everything. I can't believe she is 3 months old already tomorrow! I can't wait for the next new magical thing she surprises us by doing. Every cliché about a Mother's Love continues to be true. I love you, Rowen Baby! And I love my Momma, even if we've had our troubles I couldn't have survived the adventure that was the first few weeks of Mommahood without her here with me.
Now I am off to take a shower with my new Lush things and then see what else we get up to today.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers, Pet Mommas and Mother-figures and Mothers to be!!

My Momma and me

It's completely stupid and I am a ridiculous human being for doing this, but I didn't tell my Momma that I was pregnant until this past Friday.
My Mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship over the past, oh, 27 years. Maybe 24 years, since I don't think I started giving her a hard time until I was 3 years old. There's a story that I've heard so many times that I'm convinced that it's a memory:
My Mom and 3 year-old Z played a game of chicken... I had decided that I was moving out. I demanded a $2 bill (Canada in the 80's!) and a TTC ticket, put on my snowsuit and asked my Mom to let me out the backyard door, which faced onto a main road. I had to ask her because I did not know how to open that door. She let me walk to the bus stop, which was only a few houses down. I stood there at the bus stop, staring at her staring at me from the house. I was probably terrified that a bus would actually pull up. Five minutes passed, other people showed up at the stop and wondered about this little kid standing there alone. And then the McNicoll Ave bus showed up...... and my Mom caved and came running out of the house to get me. I sooooo won that one! HA!

So back to this Friday. I had been avoiding my Mom's emails asking me when In October or November I would go visit her. She's been living in Hong Kong taking care of my grandparents who are both quite ill right now. Originally there was talk of her coming in September, which is what spurred this whole "I'll wait to tell my Mom in person!" idea in the first place. I figured if she was coming in September anyway, why bother telling her big news like this over email? Then my Grandma got scheduled for surgery so my Mom started asking if I could go there.

I was hesistant to agree because while I know it's perfectly safe to fly while pregnant, I kinda hated the idea. Plane rides are pukey hell for me at the best of times and the thought of being jammed into a tiny seat for 14 hours, nauseous, ankle-swelley and sciatic-nervey back-achey sounded awful. So what did I do? I avoided the issue. I stopped responding to my Mom's emails. Then I stopped opening them at all because if I never read her worried messages then they probably weren't real.
My Mom and I only recently reconciled this summer after a few year long seperation that involved only the occasional Birthday e-card.... I reasoned to Lowell that I could be Mother-less again, right? Maybe she never even had to know! He let this go on for a few weeks until my Mom emailed him, concerned that I had died or did something stupid and was avoiding her. So we scheduled a Skype chat and after numerous shrieking and whining fits from me leading up to said Skype chat, I realized that I am NOT a teenager anymore and that being pregnant is perfectly acceptable and that I had to just tell my Mother.

So we told my Mother. She was pretty shocked as I've gone my entire life telling her that she'd never be a Grandma. I had assured her before she left Toronto in June that I still had no intention of ever having kids, ever. Just like I've always said my entire life. She asked me if I was sure and I said "Of course! No kids! Ever!". Then she made an offhand comment about why I was wearing a push-up bra in the middle of summer to which I was like "I hate push-up bras, what are you talking about... crazy woman!" What no one knew at the time, except apparently for my cat Eileen was that I was already knocked up. Ooops.

Anyway, now that I've told my Mom, I feel a lot better. Like a big weight has been lifted because I was stressed out about how she was going to take it. She was understandably shocked and then even she had a hard time hiding the fact that she was excited, even though she was trying to play it cool.
As much as I don't necessarily like being "mothered", lately the idea of getting all the help that we can get has been appealing and I've found myself wanting my Mommy. She's promised to come in February when the Kittenheart arrives and I'm actually excited for this! Tumultuous or not, I love my Momma and she loves me. After we got off the phone/Skype, it all of a sudden felt more real than it ever has! We are having a baby and everybody important knows now.