Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

gas gas baby

Today I thought that maybe I felt a "flutter" from Kittenheart. My reading keeps saying that a most first time Moms feel movement in the form of flutters for the first time around 16-20 weeks, sometimes earlier and sometimes as late as 22 weeks. (Helpful, huh?) I've been looking forward to this, something else besides barfing and bloating to feel connected, I suppose. Anyway, today I was certain that I felt a flutter but as it turns out, I think it was just gas.

I've also started to be unable to control my burps. For the most part so far it's been fairly discrete. The whole pregnancy process is so attractive.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

171 days to go

I have such mixed feelings when I look at that kittenheart ticker on the right side of the page. Some days, when I feel exhausted and sore and nauseous, I feel like it's mocking me. "Only 171 days? Only?? ONLY?!? Shut the eff up, stupid ticker!"

Some days it's "Holy crap... only 171 days, that means LESS THAN 6 months left... SO much to do in only 6 months! Less than 6 months until our lives are completely changed, HOLY. CRAP." Today I'm somewhere in between. A tad anxious about having to be pregnant for so much longer and GET much more puffy and uncomfortable but quite content and grateful about how I feel right now. It was a good day!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Time for a shotgun wedding, says theknot.com

I am officially angry with the entire "The Bump" and "The Knot" series of websites. I signed up for The stupid Bump's stupid website because they had cool tickers. My friend Jenn used to give me a weekly update comparing the size of her baby to a fruit or vegetable. I thought that was hilarious, so when my time came, I thought why not? Yes, The stupid judgmental Bump has provided me with my adorable kittenheart ticker... and the ability to tell Lowell each week what kind of fruit we're having, but it's also been stupid and judgmental tonight.

It's been such a non-issue in our World that I've forgotten that there are people who exist out there who still truly believe that it's "wrong" to have a baby out of wedlock. Wedlock, how the eff does that term even exist in this day and age? Technology today allows for a Canadian pop songstress to have frozen long haired babies with her 95 year-old husband. And people are upset that couples are conceiving babies when they're *gasp* unwed?

Yes, I understand that marriage signifies a commitment to each other, to the relationship and love you have with your significant other. I'm not saying that I do not believe in marriage, because well, first of all that makes no sense. I'm all for making that commitment when the time is right. Yes, being unmarried technically means that you and your partner might be able to separate or break-up in an easier manner, because legalities don't come into play. It by no means signifies that the couple is less committed to each other. Isn't deciding to have a baby a pretty big commitment?

I'm not going to delve into the subject any further. I would imagine that if you're reading this, you are my friend and we're on a similar page regarding the subject. If you disagree with me, well that's fine too. If you're not my friend and found your way here, that's completely lovely too and I hope you enjoy my rambling rants.

I originally came here to post an entry about how I'm continually astonished every single night at how HUGELY BLOATED my belly gets by the end of the day. Seriously, I'm not actually "showing" that much yet. When I wake up in the morning, I'm sporting a slightly noticeable bump that I can't suck in and when I'm still lying down, it looks almost normal. By the end of the day though? Holy fricken Jesus. People are giving up their seats on public transit for me.

I'm glad it was dark at the wedding I was at this weekend because by the end of the night, I was sporting a real serious gut. I kept boasting about the handy elastic waist of the dress every time I got a compliment. By the end of the night, the elastic waist was feeling corset-like.

Eating 7 slices of pizza when the midnight snack came out probably didn't help. I kept hunting down friends scattered throughout the dance floor and being like "Hey, did you know they brought out pizza? It smells sooooo good. Let's go have some!". Then I would proceed to drag them over to the pizza so that I could grab another slice for myself. What a little piggy. It was a beautiful wedding though. And the first event I've attended where there were lots of friends fussing over my being openly pregnant. 10 years ago, I would have thought that being pregnant at my long-time high school boyfriend's wedding would have been a bizarre ordeal, but in reality, it was a completely lovely night.

So speaking of weddings, let's return to why I am mad at TheKnot.com. Well, when I went to check in on my good friends' wedding page, they wouldn't let me see the page until I completed my profile on the site because I had a profile with their sister site (TheBump.com). Whatever, annoying, but I'll do it. So apparently, if you have a pregnancy profile with The Bump and you visit their wedding site, you're obviously engaged or married! Well, newly engaged, engaged and planning or already married. No other options! I tried to bypass the registration nonsense and it kept throwing me back. I thought, well this is a glitch and tried to skip ahead without choosing any of the options but no, as long as I was signed into The Bump, it kept insisting I complete the stupid form at The Knot. I couldn't view the couple's wedding site until I logged out of the other site and came back as an anonymous non-pregnant out of wedlock person. I find this to be unacceptable. If i didn't like that kittenheart ticker so much, I'd boycott them all together.

Friday, August 19, 2011


Five loads of laundry later and now it's time to pack!

Tomorrow morning, Lowell and I are flying to Montreal to attend a wedding. First of two weddings this Summer where I can't indulge in the open bar! B-b-b-bummer! Plus I'm wearing a pair of impossibly painful heels. Ah the price we silly girls pay for vanity.

I have a feeling that my Dr. Scholl's "Fast Flats" will make an appearance early in the night and be a lifesaver.

Also, I tried on my dress tonight and I'm totally stuck in that "Is she chubby... or pregnant?" stage, wah!

psychics or physics

I've been very amused so far by all the articles and books that I've read and how accurate their predictions have been. I guess I shouldn't say "predictions" because it's all based on decades of observation and facts. Regardless, it's very amusing. I remember seeing my Doctor when I was 5 weeks along and she asked "Any morning sickness or nausea?" and I said "Nope!" all proud and smug. She tells me "A lot of women find that it'll start around 6 weeks, but you might be one who never gets it!" What an asshole. 3 days later, at exactly 6 weeks, I woke up to the worst nausea that I. have. ever. experienced.

Now, I grew up as one of those annoying motion sickness kids! Nausea and I go waaaay back! Every time we ever flew anywhere, my Mom stuffed her pockets full of plastic bags like she was walking the dog. I puked in the car, on buses, on trains, especially on planes, a couple of times when we had to take that little rattly bus that takes you from the terminal to the plane... Sometimes I'd puke from the tires swings at the playground. Anyway, nausea and vomiting and I were well-acquainted up until this point in my life. Back in my partying days, I was notorious for having one shot too many, running off to the disgusting club bathroom (or alleyway), puking and then returning to the dance floor for the rest of the night. I tells ya, it was HOT. I should really be ashamed to admit this in a fairly open forum, but I'm secretly proud of this ridiculous ability of my younger self.

Still, morning sickness kicked my ass. It was a mix of the strongest most urgent need to vomit, and vomiting gut-wrenchingly loudly whilst making horrible monster sounds, mixed with an unrelentless all-day sense of nausea that fluctuated from uncomfortable but tolerable to lost at sea in an inflatable raft kill me now please. I never thought it would end, but I survived 8 weeks straight of almost constant nausea and vomiting at least 4 times and as much as 10 times in one day. I was miserable and exhausted but got used to living like that. Then miraculously on exactly Week 14, it went away. Just like the books, the forum mommas, my Doctor and the Internet predicted.

At 12 weeks, sore boobs went away! Or I should say, got slightly better. Slightly less uncomfortable and a whole cup size up already. Just as they predicted! Well, how cool is that?

Next prediction that I'm looking forward to is movement. I think that will be neat and maybe help the whole surreal whirlwind out of body moments.

So the next thing to look forward to was this "increase in energy". I waited and waited for it. It's still not really here, but wait, this week I finally got around to scrubbing out the tub and kitchen sink (neglected for weeks), dusting and vacuuming (neglecting for longer than I can admit) and starting the loads and loads (and loads and loads) of laundry that's been piling up and that I've been refusing to let Lowell do because he won't do it right... So maybe it's sneaking up on me after all! Yay secret energy!

Normally I'm annoyed when I go to put pants in the washing machine and there's junk in the pockets. I've asked Lowell many times to empty his pants pockets before putting them in the laundry pile. He's usually good, but the one time I don't check, there's a napkin bits, a soggy bus transfer and European change floating around in the clean clothes that I then have to wash again.

Between this sentence and the last paragraph, I got up to make a Nutella sandwich and put in an episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl. I've completely lost my train of thought and forgot where I was headed with this post.

So I end by sharing with you what I found in Lowell's jeans pockets today when I did the laundry: a banana stem and two bus tokens. Normally, I would have gotten mad. Or at least annoyed or grossed out, but it was so fucking weird that he had a banana stem in his pocket that I surprised myself by laughing instead.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Bump.com is broken!

Well, I just deleted a post about how "thebump.com" appeared to be broken. Their site or server or some such technical jargon is down, causing my tickers to be broken. Instead of my Kittenheart countdown ticker, I'm seeing a mini version of their homepage.

So if you're reading this post and seeing all kinds of craziness on the right hand side and previous entry... it's because of The Bump!

If you're seeing this post and all is well, then good! But I'll still leave the entry up for a while just it case it all crashes again.


i can haz lemon baby?

 BabyFruit Ticker

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Let's talk about another pregnancy rant/cliché that I initially thought I would never worry about: weight gain. Ergh! According to the ol' books and internet, the "healthy" amount of weight gain in the first trimester is 1 - 4.5lbs. Wait, what??? That's just stupid because I probably gain 1 - 4.5 lbs in any given day!

I vowed I wouldn't care about weight gain. Weight has always been just a number before being knocked up. More important is how you look and feel, blah blah blah yada yada. Most importantly is eating a healthy balanced diet to feed a developing Kittenheart.

Well, anyway, cut to yesterday. I had my 14 week plus one day appointment with my lovely Doctor. We start off the appointment with the usual chat with Nurse Ann. She showed me some new animal photos on her computer, asked me how I was doing (no more morning sickness, yay! Random dizzy spells, boo!), took my blood pressure, off to the bathroom for the requisite peeing in a cup and then oh, right, let's get you to hop up on the scale.

I GAINED 6 FREAKIN' KILOGRAMS SINCE MY LAST VISIT. That is 13.2 lbs... in 5 weeks. 13.2lbs? THIRTEEN POINT TWO? No way! No, that can't be right! My first thought was that Baxter weighs about 13. 2 lbs. (P.S. That is NOT a picture of my cat above!) No way! Let's do it again. Yup, 6kgs. She didn't seem overly concerned as I told her I had been eating well and that my clothes seem to fit fine!

.........And that is the truth, I have been eating healthy foods! I have started Nutrition counselling and everything! But I have also been indulging in horrible dirty fat slob cravings. During my 8 weeks of constant nausea and pukage, one of my only sources of sweet, sweet relief was Dirty McDonald's. I did not tell Nurse Ann about how I've eaten more Big Xtras with cheese in the past 5 weeks than I have in the past.... 5, 10, 15 YEARS. I did not tell Nurse Ann about having had 4 Dirty McMuffins (3 sausage n' egg, 1 bacon n' egg) in the past week. Telling Nurse Ann that my clothes fit fine was also a half-truth. They fit but I haven't been doing up my fly in weeks now. This is when I bother with pants with a fly, generally I've been living in maxi dresses and yoga pants.

I said to Lowell last night after work, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE GAINED 13.2 POUNDS. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!" and he laughed at me. I was waving my Dirty Filet-o-Fish in his face during yet another trip to McDonald's where he graciously escorts me but orders nothing for himself. (Because McDonald's is disguting.)

Anyway, I resolve to be more active and continue to eat well....and give in less often to the junkfood cravings. No more sending Lowell to Metro at midnight for "those chewy chocolate chunk cookies they sell at the bakery section". No more texting Lowell "I can haz cheezburger?" when I know he'll be passing a McDonald's on the way home from a gig. And this is a big one, no more 3-4 Dirty McMuffins a week. My Lovely BFF Annie was like "Why not make a healthy version yourself at home?" What a freakin' genius she is, right? So Lowell was sent to the store for whole wheat english muffins and "good" cheese...not processed. Today I made two, one for each of us for breakfast. I "forgot" that Lowell doesn't like eating a lot first thing in the mornings so I conveniently got to eat his Home McMuffin too.

Oh, I splurged and asked for bacon for the Home McMuffins. Baby steps, my friends, baby steps!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Most glorious day!

I can't believe it. Today is the first day in 8 weeks that I woke up...and didn't feel nauseous. I walked slowly to the bathroom after getting out of bed and when I got there, I...didn't vomit. Not once! Brushed my teeth with great trepidation.... but still no vomit! I have been at work for nearly 3 hours and I am not nauseous... nor I have vomited. Not once!

Last week by this point in the day I had puked 6 times and needed to leave work early.

Week 14, you are beautiful and I like you lots so far.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

latte from HEAVEN a.k.a. Si Espresso

Today I ordered a small iced soy latte from Si Espresso Bar at Broadview and Danforth. I like going there because the owner is friends with a lot of the Yoga folk here at work. He's consistent and friendly, the espresso is always strong but yummy and they have this amazing mini lemon pound cake.

Anyway, this was my first caffeinated drink in 9 days and first espresso in maybe over 2 weeks. I don't generally crave coffee anymore and have been trying to watch my caffeine intake. Once a every week or two though, I have a day where I just "need" it. My Momma friend Jenn... as well as the forum Mommas and all the reading I've done says that a cup, or even two, of coffee A DAY is safe for Kittenhearts. I reason a latte every week and a half is my acceptable amount.

I swear this latte was laced with...i dunno, some sort of mood-lifting, delicious, mind altering drug. It was perfectly cold, bittersweet and simply divine. I felt like going back in and hugging the owner, but I had already crossed the street and it'd be kinda weird anyway. The drink was so good I found myself smiling lovingly at it for the next hour and half while I savoured it at my desk. I still haven't thrown the cup in the garbage.

Cats are cool

I have two cats.

Baxter, who is a funny "off orange" or "buff" colour, cross-eyed, adorable and the absolute LOVE of my life (sorry Lowell, Bax and I have been together for almost 9 years). Most who have seen us interact would say that I might be the love of Baxter's life too. Or perhaps a close second after his FOOD. Part of Baxter's charm is his completely oblivousness to well, the World. He sleeps on Lowell's bass drum pedal, relaxes during loud rock or jazz music on the stereo, relaxes during LIVE rock or jazz music happening in the same room, etc etc.

My other cat is Eileen. Or Bean, as she is more commonly referred to as. Or Freak or "the other cat". I'm a terrible cat-Mom and blatantly play favourites. This entry is about Eileen though!

Bean has a terrible skittish personality and a tendency to hide in awkward corners and spy on people. She doesn't meow but instead makes horrible squawking sounds or a wailing sound that sounds remarkably like she's saying "NO!!!". Her head is too small for her body that's way too long and skinny. Her eyes are too big for her tiny too small head. She's never been particularly affectionate to me (maybe because I call her "second best cat" or maybe because I had to shove anti-biotics down her throat as a baby cat). Any physical contact I have with Bean involves me chasing her down or sneaking up on her, which is rare and difficult to achieve as she has sniper-cat reflexes. She used to love my ex-boyfriend and warmed up to Lowell quite a bit, to the point where she'd occasionally sit with him and slept by his side at night.

Curiously enough, ever since I've been pregnant, Bean has been extremely vigilant and always at my side. She actually knew I was pregnant before I did. I initially just chalked it up to Lowell being away on his annual Eurotrip. The week he left, she started sitting next to me on the couch and did something that she's NEVER done in her entire life: When I went to bed, SHE approached ME and curled up next to me.... and then climbed up on top of my belly. I thought this was strange but figured it was because she missed the other human.

Starting that week, when I got home, she'd be at the door greeting me even before Baxter. That was weird. When I'd go to the bathroom to take a shower and whatnot, she'd be waiting for me when I came out. When I sat on the couch, she'd sit down on the back of the couch behind my head. The more bizarre thing was every night, when I went to bed or took a nap, she'd come and curl up on or next to my belly.

Later that week, after I took a home pregnancy test and proceeded to sit on the bathroom floor for 20 minutes having a "Holy crap" meltdown, Bean SAT WITH ME ON THE BATHMAT. Actually, she sat and stared at me with a bit of a "Geez lady, way to clue in already...." look in her big beady eyes.

Anyway, I didn't really have a point to this entry. I was just thinking about how strange and amazing it is that animals can sense these things. It's actually getting a bit uncomfortable when Bean tries to balance on my belly when I sleep, and I feel bad when I toss and turn and she goes flying. Lately she's taken to belly-sleeping only when I nap, and sleeping next to my belly when I go to bed at night. I hope she doesn't try to sit on Kittenheart when it gets here.

Friday, August 12, 2011

You can't sit there / Don't mess with me!

Today, en route to brunch, I started feeling pukey. A combo of nerves (we were going to announce our news to Lowell's Mum and got a text that his Grandma and twin brother were coming too), the hot sun and lovely pregnancy nausea. Pregnancy nausea or morning sickness which has not yet subsided, contrary to what all the books and websites claim, damnit!

Anyway, I started coughing and gagging on the sidewalk... trying to find a discrete place to vomit, great. I ran ahead to an alleyway/driveway and attempted to puke while Lowell stood watch at the street. I felt too self-conscious because there was a man hovering around behind Lowell so I wound up staggering a few feet ahead to a little grassy-garden area and sat down on the curb. Lowell came to join me and at this point, I noticed the nutty looking bespectacled man had followed him. I fully expected him to just keep walking but he stops in front of us and proceeds to start rambling about how "You can't sit there!! That's property of Toronto Housing blah blah blah crazy man GIBBERISH BLAH BLAH BLAH".

Lowell tells him that I'm not feeling well and we'll be moving along in just a minute. At this point, a normal human would have just moved on, minding his own business. Not this crazy man though. He starts getting in my face, insisting that "You CAN'T SIT THERE... The man who owns that building doesn't like it blah blah blah... YOU CAN'T SIT THERE."

And then I cut him off. I lost it. Raging WHITE HOT HORMONAL ANGER. Humiliation from near-puking in the street and having this crazy asshole come after me and just plain feeling crappy fueled an outburst like nothing I've ever experienced before. Before I could control what was happening, words were flying out of my mouth. MEAN, ANGRY words. Profanity! At a complete stranger! I honestly can't remember what I actually said, but I vaguely recall something along the lines of "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? I'm pregnant and obviously not feeling well, are you SERIOUS" and when crazy persisted with "You can't sit there!!", I cut him off again and YELLED in his face "STOP TALKING TO ME!"

And I went on a tirade. I think I asked him if he had ever been pregnant, or if he was just always fat. I believe I threatened to follow him around and wait until he was sick and then give him a hard time. And everytime he tried to tell me again that I couldn't sit on the curb, I yelled at him to "STOP TALKING TO ME!"

When it was over, after Lowell pulled me away (after I threatened to puke in the Crazy man's grocery buggy), I was teary-eyed and breathing heavy. When I calmed down, it was like coming back from an out of body experience. On one hand, I felt BAD for lashing out at a complete stranger. On the other hand, I was obviously not feeling well and like it or not, pregnancy hormones do insane things to you. I blame it on hormones, feeling crappy and stress boiling over. Poor crazy fat man just happened to be on the wrong end of my lashing out. Lowell says it was awesome and wishes he had taped it. I'm glad he didn't!

It did, however, make for a funny story later at brunch.

Which, I should mention, went very well! We've had much anxiety these past few weeks planning out when and how we should tell Lowell's parents. We hoped that they'd be happy but were afraid that they'd be...mad or disappointed? My friends kept telling me that they'd be happy, but we were still scared and nervous. They took it very well and it was like a huge weight lifted. Lowell's Mom teared up, which made me feel teary. We showed them Kittenheart's photos from the ultrasound. It's so lovely to have it not be a secret and to have others be excited! Lowell's Grandma told us that she'd be "grinning all day", which was so lovely.

As we were leaving the restaurant, there was a man sitting on the ledge outside an office building. Lowell's adorable little Grandma made a crack about how someone should tell him he couldn't sit there.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


Today I didn't even want to look at Craigslist or my baby forums. Everything is making me frustrated and annoyed. Craigslist is making me depressed. The new apartment search is dismal and making me feel hopeless. Who has $2600 to spend on rent??? I certainly don't. I wish i did...


My wonderful and wise nutrition counselors recommended I put greens into my daily fruit smoothie. They recommended cashew or almond butter to add protein and mask the taste of the green. I was skeptical, but I did it. Shockingly they were right and you can't taste the greens (I usually used a big handful of spinach). But it turns the smoothies a filthy horrible colour. Click on the photo for a link to their green smoothie recipes!


Today I caved and took an Aerius. I was dying, sneezing non-stop, nose running and congested no matter how much I blew it. My ears were popping and I used up an entire box of kleenex. I was miserable and cranky so I caved and took an Aerius, which I always feel mildly guilty about even though it's "safe" for kittenheart. Then I slept from 3pm until 6:45pm and woke up starving so I ate a chicken salad sandwich (leftover Swiss chalet chicken, mayo, pepper, on a leftoever Swiss Chalet bun, yup!).

Yeah, It's been a productive day. *sigh*


I miss camembert cheese.

Perhaps I'll talk more about all these pregnancy "food rules" and my thoughts and findings later. Not enough attention span right now though...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

So it begins

I am glad that the all-day all-night nausea seems to have subsided (waking up in the middle of the night and almost puking on the cat sucked). But now a new non-sleeping affliction has come up. My most favourite position to sleep in is on my stomach. I love it. I've slept comfortably on my stomach for my entire life. Both arms under the pillow, head to the right or left, flat on the stomach... heaven. Sometimes a slight variation such as arm under the pillow, one leg bent at the knee, mostly sleeping on the stomach is lovely too. This past week, it's suddenly become increasingly uncomfortable to rest on my belly for more than 15 minutes or so. I've tried propping myself up with a triangle of pillows, but it's just not the same. I wake up feeling cranky and look over at Lowell sleeping on his stomach and feel intense jealousy. R.I.P. my nights of resting in peace.

It begins now.... 186 more days is it? 186 days... and the next EIGHTEEEN YEARS after! :P

A very unoriginal thought

I'm getting fat.

I need to go buy new underpants.


Newest lovely pregnancy symptom: Moodswings!

The other day, I got WHITE HOT RAGING MAD at Lowell for going to the store and coming back with a jar of pickles. I mean, HOW DARE HE...because I HATE PICKLES!!! I've always hated pickles and ever since being pregnant, I've hated them ever so much more. The smell of them, the mere thought of smelly crunchy sour pickles, grosses me out. I always read that they are the most commom preggo-craving...I find that thought revolting. Anyway, back to the other day. Lowell comes home with a jar of pickles and NO NUTELLA for me. Did I specifically request Nutella? Well, no. But I had implied it in passing hours earlier that day and HOW DARE he come home without Nutella for me? I screamed and cried like a crazy person. He cowered and screamed back. It was intense. I threatened to dump the pickles down the drain after he went to do his radio interview. Then calmed down and felt stupid and took a nap.

The pickles are safe and sound and disgusting as ever in the fridge. I bought a big jar of Nutella the next day.

I blame it on "being pregnant" but in all likelihood, I'm just a crazy person who throws produce and dumps things down the drain on a regular basis even when not pregnant.


Requisite test post

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Whoa. Ultrasounds are strange.

Today we met Kittenheart "in person" for the first time.

I'm not an overly emotional person, but it was pretty darn cool when the ultrasound tech said "There's its little hand" and Lowell goes "It's high-fiving us!"... Pretty darn cool.

It's totally cheesy but I'm mesmerized by its little face. Eyes, nose, mouth... it's all there already! Clearly Kittenheart has Lowell's nose because I have a flat non-existent nose in profile. The sciencey-techy part of me likes seeing the wee little brain, heart and stomach too. Pretty darn cool!

"Crown to rump" length was 66mm. I still have to confirm this with my Doc at the next appointment, but I believe I just lost 2 days off the pregnancy (yeah!) and might need to make a new "ticker".
We went in being "12 weeks and 4 days" according to the numbers, but the tech dated us at "12 weeks and 6 days" after measuring Kittenheart, who by the way, was wiggly, somersaulting and THOROUGHLY uncooperative throughout the whole procedure.
The stubborness and lack of cooperation is kinda cute now when its a flip-flopping bean on the screen... but yeah, get that out of your system now, Little One. Please and thank-you!