Friday, August 19, 2011

psychics or physics

I've been very amused so far by all the articles and books that I've read and how accurate their predictions have been. I guess I shouldn't say "predictions" because it's all based on decades of observation and facts. Regardless, it's very amusing. I remember seeing my Doctor when I was 5 weeks along and she asked "Any morning sickness or nausea?" and I said "Nope!" all proud and smug. She tells me "A lot of women find that it'll start around 6 weeks, but you might be one who never gets it!" What an asshole. 3 days later, at exactly 6 weeks, I woke up to the worst nausea that I. have. ever. experienced.

Now, I grew up as one of those annoying motion sickness kids! Nausea and I go waaaay back! Every time we ever flew anywhere, my Mom stuffed her pockets full of plastic bags like she was walking the dog. I puked in the car, on buses, on trains, especially on planes, a couple of times when we had to take that little rattly bus that takes you from the terminal to the plane... Sometimes I'd puke from the tires swings at the playground. Anyway, nausea and vomiting and I were well-acquainted up until this point in my life. Back in my partying days, I was notorious for having one shot too many, running off to the disgusting club bathroom (or alleyway), puking and then returning to the dance floor for the rest of the night. I tells ya, it was HOT. I should really be ashamed to admit this in a fairly open forum, but I'm secretly proud of this ridiculous ability of my younger self.

Still, morning sickness kicked my ass. It was a mix of the strongest most urgent need to vomit, and vomiting gut-wrenchingly loudly whilst making horrible monster sounds, mixed with an unrelentless all-day sense of nausea that fluctuated from uncomfortable but tolerable to lost at sea in an inflatable raft kill me now please. I never thought it would end, but I survived 8 weeks straight of almost constant nausea and vomiting at least 4 times and as much as 10 times in one day. I was miserable and exhausted but got used to living like that. Then miraculously on exactly Week 14, it went away. Just like the books, the forum mommas, my Doctor and the Internet predicted.

At 12 weeks, sore boobs went away! Or I should say, got slightly better. Slightly less uncomfortable and a whole cup size up already. Just as they predicted! Well, how cool is that?

Next prediction that I'm looking forward to is movement. I think that will be neat and maybe help the whole surreal whirlwind out of body moments.

So the next thing to look forward to was this "increase in energy". I waited and waited for it. It's still not really here, but wait, this week I finally got around to scrubbing out the tub and kitchen sink (neglected for weeks), dusting and vacuuming (neglecting for longer than I can admit) and starting the loads and loads (and loads and loads) of laundry that's been piling up and that I've been refusing to let Lowell do because he won't do it right... So maybe it's sneaking up on me after all! Yay secret energy!

Normally I'm annoyed when I go to put pants in the washing machine and there's junk in the pockets. I've asked Lowell many times to empty his pants pockets before putting them in the laundry pile. He's usually good, but the one time I don't check, there's a napkin bits, a soggy bus transfer and European change floating around in the clean clothes that I then have to wash again.

Between this sentence and the last paragraph, I got up to make a Nutella sandwich and put in an episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl. I've completely lost my train of thought and forgot where I was headed with this post.

So I end by sharing with you what I found in Lowell's jeans pockets today when I did the laundry: a banana stem and two bus tokens. Normally, I would have gotten mad. Or at least annoyed or grossed out, but it was so fucking weird that he had a banana stem in his pocket that I surprised myself by laughing instead.

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