This afternoon, Rowen and I went for a walk. A lovely autumn afternoon walk to the store to pick up some supplies (mouth wash for Lowell, spray shampoo for me, chocolate, etc etc). We don't normally bring Bandit the Raccoon out of the apartment, but he came to the park earlier that day and she's been really into him lately. So Bandit the Raccoon came along!
We were returning home, just about a block away when I looked into the stroller and noticed that Bandit was no longer with us. I looked around, hoping hoping HOPING that he'd be right there on the sidewalk. That he had JUST fallen out. But nope. No Bandit. I shook out her blanket to make sure he wasn't just hiding. Noooope. I took everything out of the stroller basket, hoping that maybe I put him in there without realizing at some point. Nope. So I turned around and retraced our steps all the way back to the store, scanning the sidewalks, hoping to see Bandit. But nope. We went back to the store and I asked the cashier if anyone had found a stuffed toy. Nope. We circled the store a few times... I kept hoping that Bandit would be there in the shampoo aisle. But nope. We walked home calling out for Bandit like a lost pet... no Bandit. I suppose he has a new home with a CAMH-er now. :P
I don't know about you, but the feeling of losing something drives me crazy. I've woken up in the middle of the night to scour my apartment for a missing lipgloss. I hate losing stuff. But losing Bandit has caused a whole new level of anxiety. I felt absolutely anxious and just awful. Rowen has yet to notice that her friend is missing and probably won't actually ever notice...but I still feel just awful. This was one of her buddies and one of the first toys she's had with her since birth. He was a lovely gift from Angela and I hate that he's missing. I suppose we're lucky that he can be replaced, but man, something about losing your Baby's friend... it's a whole new awful low feeling. I've been irrationally upset about the loss of Bandit all evening. I know that I'm being irrational, but I can't snap out of it.
The lesson I've learned from this: Chip the Cat is never leaving the apartment. He's Rowen's "comfort" toy and lives in the crib. (Yeah yeah yeah... no soft toys in the crib etc etc). Chip the Cat however cannot be replaced as he was purchased about 15 years ago.
Mama Friends... have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you ever lost your Baby's favourite thing? How do you get over this feeling of guilt?